I've been experiencing some difficult things lately. Nothing that can't be taken care of, so don't worry. But a friend of mine was recently having a bad moment and she mentioned that she was going to listen to music to try and make herself feel better. It reminded me of my favorite line from the movie "Across the Universe": "Music is the only thing that makes sense anymore...play it loud enough and it keeps the demons at bay." It got me thinking about different songs that have some sort of special meaning to me. So the next few posts or so on here are going to be a series: Songs That Mean Something To Me. Not the most original series of posts, but there isn't much original in the world anymore anyways.
I've been a Duran Duran fan for as long as I can remember, but only in my teenage years did I really start paying more attention to them. I mean, I knew "Hungry Like The Wolf" and "Rio," of course, but apart from that, I never really knew anything else about their music. That changed when I was 16 and heard "Come Undone" for the first time. I was blown away, because I had no idea this was the same band. To say I was impressed was an understatement, and I looked forward to hearing it when the local "We Play Anything" station played it, and though I couldn't share my excitement at being a fan with anyone at school and couldn't afford to buy "Astronaut" when it was released, I was definitely on my way to where I am now.
In 2007, when their album "Red Carpet Massacre" came out, I was still in a pretty bad place. My father had died less than a year before, and I was having trouble concentrating on things, so I didn't buy it, something that has since been rectified. On top of that, a month after my father's funeral, I'd had to attend the funeral of one of my closest friends' 2 year old son. I also hadn't cried since either funeral. Literally, no tears whatsoever. I just kind of froze up, still not quite believing that my father and the little guy I'd considered my nephew was gone. I'd even resorted to calling my dad's not-yet-deactivated phone, just to hear his voice on the voice mail. To be quite honest, I was more robotic than human, I think.
That changed one weekend during the summer of 2007, when I was alone in my apartment at technical college. I'd decided to get some music to put on my then-brand new iPod (which has since been replaced due to shutting down completely after nearly 5 years of use), and one of the artists on my "To Buy" list was Duran Duran. I'd heard from some friends that if I got anything, I should get "Ordinary World" and "Come Undone." They had me sold at "Come Undone." I immediately bought it and "Ordinary World" and started listening, happily singing along as loud as I could to "Come Undone" because hey, I was alone in my apartment and could do whatever the hell I wanted.
And then I listened to "Ordinary World." If I've never heard a song before, I'll usually sit quietly and listen to it so I can get an idea of the words before I sing along. This was different. I don't know whether it was the lyrics or the music or everything combined, but it did something to me.
For the first time in months, I cried. I thought about my father and my "nephew" and how unfair it all was, and I cried. Not weeping, either. Legitimate sobbing. It was like something that was broken had finally been fixed, as cliche as that sounds, and all it took was one song to fix it. I put the song on repeat for about an hour and just let myself cry out everything I'd felt over the months since I'd put myself on auto-pilot. I think it was just what I needed at the time, even though I hate crying and don't like to do it even if the occasion calls for it, especially if other people are around.
At the time, I didn't know the backstory on why "Ordinary World" was written, but knowing now what I didn't know then, it makes almost perfect sense that it was that song that helped me get back on the road to being normal again after two horrific losses. Even now, in the moments when I get upset about my father, "Ordinary World" is my go-to song, the song that I use to convince myself that I can keep going and not default to auto-pilot again.
They'll never read this, and if they do, I can't say I wouldn't be slightly embarrassed, but I'm going to say it anyways: Thank you, Duran Duran. This isn't the only song of yours that's helped me during a diffcult time, but it's the first, and the first is always the most important. Just...thank you.
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